Somewhere Out There
by Beezer
Summary: one shot Logan returns to Alkali Lake a month after the incident to reflect on what happened.


Okay, I wrote this after seeing the movie and they'll be more to it later. I'm balancing a few fics at a time and this is my first one on XMen. So please review!! I'd appreciate it. Id like to know if this is good or am i just wasting my time, lol. Spoilers ahead.  
  
Disclaimer: I hate these things...I dont own nor do i know any of the actors....wish I knew Hugh Jackman...what girl wouldnt...  
The weather was warmer than he last remembered it to be. The snow melted along the hills and cliffs somewhat, causing the water to rise a bit more. It had been a month since he'd last been here. A month to the exact day. He took a deep breath, letting it out and watching it dissipate as it hit the air.   
  
The water around him was a clear, deep blue. Rifling slightly as it hit the side of the cliff, but steady and mellow for the most part, glittering where the sun hit it, causing it to have streaks of diamonds. Just a month ago it was a tidal wave with rage, wanting nothing more but to destroy and kill whatever was in it path in a fast and fierce rush as it burst from the place that had held it so long. It succeeded in taking lives that day…one actually meant something to them all. One death hit them all like an iron fist to the gut. Leaving behind pain and surprise for the ultimate sacrifice that no one saw coming, not even Xavier.  
  
He felt the lump build in his throat at that memory of what she did. He could still recall their last conversation in the woods, the day before this all happened.  
  
Last time I talked to you  
You were lonely and out of place  
You were looking down on me  
Lost out in space  
  
She looked gorgeous, even if it was only a jacket and jeans she had on with a plain shirt. She still seemed to glow with a radiance that only Jean could pull off. He watched her descend down the ramp, her red hair vibrant in the light the deck washed down and her green eyes shinning with such light they'd put the most flawless emeralds to shame.  
  
He glanced at the stars overhead before speaking to her, trying to find the strength to speak from them. "How bad is it?"  
  
"I'm running fluid through the hydraulics. We should be good in a few hours," she answered, coming to a stop in front of him.  
  
"That isn't what I meant," he told her.  
  
"I know, but it's how I chose to answer," she told him. She looked at him and must have seen that he wasn't going to let this go. She let out a sigh, letting some of the tension out. "I'm worried."  
  
"I know," he nodded. He saw the way her body had tensed when Magneto mentioned that Stryker had the Professor, which automatically meant he had Scott too.  
  
"I'm worried about you," Logan told her. "That was some display of power up there."  
  
She scoffed, rolling her eyes down. "Obviously wasn't enough."  
  
He looked at her, she kept her eyes down, using it to keep him at distance. But he still knew about the attraction between them. It had stuck with him since he first saw her and was one of the reasons he came back.   
  
He was barely breathing as he stood there, only a few inches separating them. He put his hand on her shoulder and she looked into his eyes. There it was, the attraction, bright and clear as day. His hand moved to the back of her neck, moving closer.  
  
"I love him," she whispered and Logan wondered if she was saying it to him or reminding herself.  
  
"Do you?" he whispered back.  
  
She smiled, snorting a little, "People flirt with the bad guys, Logan. But they don't take them home. They marry the good guys."  
  
"I could be the good guy, Jean," he told her quietly.  
  
"Logan, the good guys stick around. They don't-" he threw caution to the wind and went for it. He silenced her rebuttal with a kiss. She tensed at first but relaxed into it. It was every thing he thought it would be and more. He kissed her for a second longer wanting to savor the moment, but pulled away.  
  
She looked at him and he brushed a strand of hair from her face. "Don't," she whispered.  
  
"Don't what?"  
  
"Don't do this," with that said she looked into his eyes once more and walked away. He could only stand there and watch her go, watch her walk away. If only he'd known tat would be the last time.  
  
We laid underneath the stars  
Strung out and feeling brave  
I watched the red orange glow  
I watched you float away  
  
Logan shook the memory away, remembering every detail and letting it sink back into his mind to stay with the few he had. That one in particular he treasured, savoring every detail, every scent, every touch, anything he could, hoping to never lose it. Even if she was still here it wouldn't happen again. In the end her heart chose Scott and though Logan loved her, he knew Scott was far better for her than he could ever be. No matter how much he detested Summers, he was a better choice for the red headed doctor. Scott could give her everything he couldn't, and Logan was happier knowing she was with someone like Summers. He'd protect her fiercely and love her unconditionally.   
  
Down here in the atmosphere  
Garbage and city lights  
You've gone to save your tired soul  
You've gone to save our lives  
  
But that was exactly what Jean had done, for them all in the end. He had been too absorbed in the jet to notice her absence in the plane. It wasn't until Xavier mentioned it did any of them noticed. But still, he should have been able to smell it. But he saw her. Standing outside in front of the jet, the dam bursting behind her. Scott panicking trying to get the ramp open, but it   
wouldn't open, none of the switches would move.  
  
"Storm the ramp!" Cyclops yelled.  
  
"I can't, its stuck," she called back.  
  
Logan watched as the plane came to life, glancing at Jean he saw her hand outstretched at the front, trying to lift it, the wind blowing her red hair back. His mouth dropped open as the switches moved on there own and the controls pushed down.  
  
"Storm, land it, put it back down!" Scott yelled.  
  
She tried, "I can't. I'm not moving it."  
  
"Go get her," Scott ordered Nightcrawler.   
  
Kurt shook his head, his accent thick. "I cannot. She's blocked me."  
  
Logan heard them speaking but was only watching Jean in dismay. The dam burst and Jean turned her head, still holding onto the jet with one hand, using her other hand to block the raging waters from hitting her or the jet as she struggled to raise it. Logan flinched a little as she did it, wondering how   
much more she could take. The jet lifted into the air, hovering.  
  
"Jean!" Scott yelled, watching.  
  
"It's the only way," Xavier said. They all turned and looked at him. He had a far of look in his eyes. It was Jean, using him as puppet just like Xavier had with Sabertooth and Toad before. Logan never knew Jean was strong enough to do all this.  
  
"Jean," Scott whispered kneeling by Xavier.  
  
"It's the only way," he whispered again. "I have to do this."  
  
"Jean, no please," Cyclops was close to crying now, Logan noticed still standing by the front where she struggled to hold it all together.   
  
"Good-bye," Xavier said the last words then blinked as Jean left him.  
  
"No, Jean," Scott hurried to the front and they all saw it. Jean looked at them with remorse but determination. She closed her eyes and let her power fall, the water hitting her, taking her in one giant gulp.  
  
"NO!" Scott yelled.  
  
Logan was breathing heavily without realizing it. Shock filling him as his eyes burnt with tears. "She's gone. She's gone."  
  
"No, don't say that!" Scott yelled, trying to take a swing.   
  
He dodged it, grabbing Scott, holding him until the tension left and he broke down in sobs. "She's gone, Scott. She's gone. She saved us. She's gone." His own tears threatened to fall. He fought them as hard as he could, one spilled down his cheek and he closed his eyes.  
  
I turned on the radio  
To find you on satellite   
I'm waiting for the sky to fall  
I'm waiting for a sign  
  
Logan took a deep breath to steady himself as he stood, watching the tranquil waters of Alkali Lake, Jean's watery grave. It was a memory he couldn't forget, a memory that haunted him each and every night, but not as much as it   
did Scott.   
  
He could hear him when he awoke in the middle of the night. Scott's muffled cries coming from behind closed doors. He pitied him then, feeling remorse for his loss. For as much as it hurt Logan, he knew it was ten times worse for Cyclops. Him and Jean had known each other and been together far longer   
than Logan had known the bright red head. The pain of loss was greater.   
  
He had opened Scott's door one night, just to check on him. Scott was asleep, mumbling and crying, tossing and turning as he relived that day over and over in his nightmares. There was nothing he could do for him. Nothing he could say to ease the pain, nothing he could do to bring Jean back. It was healing   
that Scott would have to do on his own and nothing Logan's healing factor could heal for him or Tristian's gift for that matter.  
  
The wound Scott had was much different from a physical wound. And only he could fix it. How long it would take was anyone's guess.   
  
Logan sighed, kicking a stone by his foot and hearing it plop into the waters. For some reason though, he didn't think she was dead.  
  
All we are  
Is all so far  
  
He may have seen it happen. May have been right there in the jet, but even when he told Scott she was gone, he didn't mean as in dead. That feeling had long left him after they got back to the mansion. If she was truly dead, her scent, her presence wouldn't have been so uplifting to him. It would have been like a dark cloud, trailing wherever he went.  
  
You're falling back to me  
You're a star that I can see  
I know you're out there   
Somewhere out there  
  
Even as he stood there, he could feel she wasn't dead. It was as if her scent still hung in the air, clinging there like she was still around. He sniffed the air in hope but only caught the scent of the water and the pine trees, nothing of her lavender smell.   
  
He let out a breath and glanced down the rocky cliff side, measuring in his mind if it was sturdy enough or would crumble under his foot. By the looks of it, it would hold and not slide. Steadying himself he climbed down, careful not to hit a loose rock and tumble in. He came to the waters edge and sat on   
the rocky surface near the water as it glided over rocks by his boot covered feet.   
  
Logan picked up a rock by his side and let his fingertips glide over the smooth surface of its flat edge. Cocking his hand back he let it go, watching it skip seven times before sinking.   
  
He snickered a little, shaking his head at the childness in him and imagining what Jean would say if she was there. She'd probably try it herself and beat his record with her telekinesis. He smiled and picked up another rock, skipping it nine times, challenging the thought.   
  
You're falling out of reach  
Defying gravity  
I know you're out there  
Somewhere out there  
  
He paused for a moment, leaning back on his hands, closing his eyes, feeling the warmth of the sun beating down on him. A little too warm, he noticed when a bead of sweat trailed down his rough face. He wiped it away with the back of his hand then removed his jacket, laying it next to him. He unbuttoned his   
shirt and removed that as well, sitting in his white undershirt, the fresh wind gliding over his skin, cooling him down. That felt better at least.   
  
Hope you remember me   
When you're homesick  
And need a change  
I miss your purple hair  
I miss the way you taste  
  
His thoughts wondered back to Jean Grey, wondering where exactly she was. The lake was too big to scan and would take months if not years to do so. But what was he expecting to find? He already decided she wasn't dead. He knew it no matter how much anyone else would doubt him. He had brought the idea up to the others at the mansion.  
  
"What exactly are you stating, Logan?" Xavier asked from behind his desk, hands folded on the mahogany top.   
  
He let out an irritated growl, fighting to keep control of his shortening temper. "I'm saying, Professor, that I don't think she's dead."  
  
"Logan, we were there, we all saw," Rogue told him, standing next to Bobby. "She's gone. You saw for yourself."  
  
"That's my point," he told them. "She's gone, she's not dead."  
  
"Your mind just hasn't excepted the fact that she's no longer amongst us, Logan," Xavier told him calmly. "There was no way she could have survived that."  
  
"But there is," he growled. "There has to be."  
  
"And if she was, don't you think she'd be here," Storm filled in, standing in the doorway.  
  
"If she was dead, I'd know it," he declared. "I'd feel it." His eyes wondered their faces. "Don't you feel it? Don't you feel that she's still alive? If she were dead there'd be this gap there."  
  
"Logan," Storm cooed gently.  
  
"No!'" he looked at them all, they looked at him with remorse and sympathy, no understanding. He shook his head. "I know I'm right. She's not dead." He backed out of the room. "I'll prove it to you, she's not dead."  
  
The only one that had been absent in that room that day was Scott. Logan wasn't sure if he could handle an assumption like that. He didn't want to make the guy feel worse by it either. That was the last thing he needed to do to him, rub salt into his already opened wounds when they were just starting to heal.   
  
I know you'll come back someday  
On a bed of nails I'll wait  
I'm praying that you don't burn out  
Or fade away  
  
But he couldn't help but to know he was right. She'd be back, he knew it. He just knew it. And he'd wait on broken glass for her. He'd find her if it was necessary. He'd do anything to bring Jean back home where she belonged, even if it meant his life. The way Logan saw it, he wasn't half as important to   
everyone else as Jean was. Her absence was a heavy weight on them all. With him it wouldn't be so bad. Sure, Rogue would feel it, but she had Bobby. Scott had no one else, most of the kids loved her, she was Ororo's best friend. She had a life there with people who loved her.  
  
He hoped that was enough for her to hold onto. The love she had would hopefully keep her alive. Keep her going. Because he'd find her.  
  
All we are  
Is all so far  
You're falling back to me  
You're a star that I can see  
I know you're out there  
Somewhere out there  
  
Jean wouldn't die, she was too stubborn for it, he laughed at that, knowing how true it was. The red headed doctor was like a steel wall. Even his claws couldn't break them. That was how he knew there was nothing any of them could have done to stop her. Once Jean's mind was made up she stuck with it and   
nobody got a say in anything.  
  
Not only that, but like he thought before, she had too many people loving her to leave. She was out there, somewhere close, he knew it.   
  
You're falling out of reach  
Defying gravity  
I know you're out there  
Somewhere out there  
  
Logan sat up, his arms resting on his knees, looking at the water still. Letting out a puff of air he looked around quickly before removing his boots and setting them near his jacket and shirt. He rolled up each leg of his jeans and stuck his feet in the water letting out a sharp gasp. It was freezing but he should have guessed as much. The snow had barely melted, of course it was frigid. But it was so cold it hurt his steel bones. He shivered a bit, getting goose bumps up and down his arms. He laid his feet down and found that the slope continued to go down. But he wasn't stupid enough to walk in, not after putting his feet in and feeling the water.   
  
With one last shiver he picked up another stone and stopped, noticing something glittering in the light. He picked it up with his other hand, holding the small object between his thumb and forefinger. The tiny object glittered red. It was an earring with a ruby in it. He shrugged and put it in his pocket, making sure it wouldn't fall out. Then he skipped the stone.   
You're falling back to me  
You're a star that I can see  
I know you're out there  
Somewhere I out there  
  
To his surprise another stone out of nowhere skipped across the water beating his by three skips. Dumbstruck Logan jerked his head in the direction the stone came from, but no one was there and there was no scent to follow with the fact that someone had been there. But there was nothing  
  
Logan smiled crookedly, shaking his head and running a hand through his hair before searching for another flat rock. "All right, you wanna play that game, Jean, we'll play." He skipped a stone, beating the other.   
  
Waiting a moment for a rock to skip. It did from the other direction. He didn't bother to look around, he knew. It beat his by two. He laughed and threw another beating it by four which made it fifteen skips. "Ha, beat that!" he gloated.  
  
A rock sped by skipping for what seemed like across the entire lake.  
  
"That's cheating…show off," he called out and felt a warm chill run up his spine. His hair stood on end. She was around.  
  
You're falling out of reach  
Defying gravity  
I know you're out there  
Somewhere out there  
  
"Jean," he whispered, wondering if she could hear him. "I'm looking for you, Jean…but I can't do it alone. I need your help. No one believes me," he told the lake. "They all think you're…dead. But I can't believe that's true…I just can't. You wouldn't leave us like this. I know you wouldn't." He fought   
the tears in his eyes. "Just tell me what to do, Jean. Tell me if I'm just holding my breath or I'm right…you are somewhere out there."  
  
You're falling back to me  
I know  
I know  
  
Logan waited for a sign, anything to tell him he was right all along, that his heart wasn't lying to him. The water remained calm and there was no irregular wind. He let out the breath he'd been holding, understanding it had all been false hope and was probably in fact a method of his grieving, the denial.   
  
He reached for his shoes when he frowned, looking at the water about ten feet in. Something was floating towards him. It was black by the looks of it but he didn't know what it was. Getting to his feet, he forgot about the icy water and walked in up to his knees to grab it, soaking his pants. He reached but it was out of his reach by a few inches.   
  
Growling he popped out his claws on his right hand and moved it closer, then grabbed it, his claws receding. He moved back onto the shore with the small black cloth. Once his feet were on dry ground he put his shows back onto warm his feet and pulled down the legs of his jeans that were somewhat damp.   
  
Logan picked up the material and inspected it. A glove, a leather glove. His breath caught in his a throat and his heart pounded in his chest. Breathing quickly he turned the glove, an X was on the side of it and it looked small enough to fit her hand…it was Jean's glove!  
  
He laughed in relief. "I was right! I was right!" He picked up his shirt and slid it back on, not bothering to button it up he ut his jacket back on and looked at the lake.   
  
"I'll be back, Jean. You can count on that. You're somewhere out there ands I'll find you…if it's the last thing I do…I'll find you," he turned climbing back up the cliff and getting into the jet. He took off, not noticing the phoenix shape in the water behind him. She was out there and he'd find her.  
  
You're falling out of reach  
I know.  
Hope you like it...more to come hopefully 


End file.
